Thursday, October 15, 2009

Put your mind at ease, Judge Scalia

Last week, I posted about how Antonin Scalia had gone all Alan Ginsberg on us by lamenting how our "best minds" were being wasted on lawyering. I am not so sure he was right. Consider the following exchanges, all of which supposedly actually occurred in a courtroom:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at the time?


Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?

Q: None.

A: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?



Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?


A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?


A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

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